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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over

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• (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Did everyone make it back alive?

  (309): View more from Illinois

  You say that with such hope.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Is that a no?

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?

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• (281): View more from Texas

  He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"

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