So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I licked your asshole in confidence.