Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure

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(256): View more from Alabama

I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.

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(206): View more from Washington

Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(407): View more from Florida

My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

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(636): View more from Missouri

She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!

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(519): View more from Ontario

I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved

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