yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.