what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
