Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
