Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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