Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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