your parents love me but you hate me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
