I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
