So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
