woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All the doctor said was why
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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