I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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