Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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