party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
