Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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