I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize