I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
