I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
