Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i dont even know how to be here
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
