....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
