Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
