girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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