so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
