I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
