I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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