I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
