Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
