Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
