Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
