some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
