At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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