It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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