omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
