I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
