Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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