It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
