I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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