I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
