Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My hand turned me down
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
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Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I fill condoms, not promises.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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