He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
