Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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