Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
