Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
