Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
