if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
