you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
