You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
