She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
