she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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