the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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