Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
