I can text with my tongue
home. puking in laundry basket.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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