Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
