I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
