Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
