Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
