im about as happy as oj after his trial
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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