Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
