She said her name was "party"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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