Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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