woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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