I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
