I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
