you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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