Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
porn star boner night. come get it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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