Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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