You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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