the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
