My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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